5 Ways To Stop Beating Yourself Up For Past Mistakes & Love Life! 

By  Judy Fine

It's time to stop beating yourself up over past mistakes.

Whether it's a mistake made a few years ago, yesterday, or two seconds ago, you deserve to let it go. If you keep collecting and carrying mishaps and regrets, life will become drudgery. 

Once upon a time, my singing life was drudgery. 

I would gather all the (often unnoticeable) mistakes I made during a gig until the end of the third set, when I would hustle to pack up my gear and bolt from the scene of the crime. That night, I'd lie in bed recounting all the ways I stunk. Then the ghosts of those mistakes would taunt me again as I prepared for the next gig. I hardly understand why I kept gigging.

Thankfully, I learned to break this cycle. Now it's your turn.

Stop beating yourself up

The five suggestions I've outlined below are the many angles that together freed me from this struggle. Before I get to them, I want you to know three things:

  1. You DESERVE to be free of this burden.
  2. You CAN be free of this burden.
  3. You ARE NOT alone in this challenge.

So, please don't let the fact that you need help with this become another reason to get down on yourself. Ok. Ready to stop beating yourself up? 

5 Ways to Stop Beating Yourself Up For Past Mistakes

  1. Go Split-Personality: Imagine a second You, maybe even you as a kid, standing beside the current You. This person has made the same mistakes you made. Would you become verbally abusive to this other person? Or would you be kind and supportive? I'm going to assume you would choose the latter. So choose the same for yourself. Choose compassion and support over verbal (internal) abuse. You deserve support a much as the people you give it to. Make reminding yourself of this a new habit.
  2. Expect Overall Success: When you expect overall failure, any and all little mistakes become signs of that anticipated failure. When you expect success down the road, a mistake today is just telling you what to change or improve for that future success you know is coming. Mistakes aren't a sign of unworthiness. They tell us how to become future masters at life and our goals (incidentally, if you're looking for more success as a singer, check out my YouTube channel).
  3. Remember Who You Answer To: Yourself. That's it. You're not required to please or impress anyone else. Your life is yours and you answer only to you. That means you're free to make mistakes on the road to greatness, and if anyone else has anything to say about it, they can keep it to themselves. Just saying...
  4. Stay In The Game: You know who rarely makes mistakes? People who don't do anything. Do you want to be someone who doesn't do anything, or would you rather be in the game (whatever your game is)? It's literally impossible to go for what you want in life and never make mistakes as you get it. I can't have a bad night during a gig unless I'm doing a gig. And if I'm gigging, I'm in the game. In that respect, mistakes should become a badge of honor. I'll take screwing up a lyric over not gigging any day!
  5. Build Your Genuine Confidence: Why is it that narcissists don't crumble when they make mistakes? Because the way you feel about your mistakes isn't caused by your mistakes. It's caused by how you feel about yourself. Narcissists love themselves (a little too much), and that's why mistakes don't phase them - because nothing will stop them from loving themselves. Please don't become a narcissist, but learn to love, like, and admire yourself so much that mistakes are irrelevant.

SIDE NOTE: Genuine confidence is what confidence coaching is all about. I have 12- & 24-session options as well as payment plans, so don't let finances stop you if you're ready to get help with believing in yourself. Use this link to learn more.

I hope these suggestions inspire you to stop beating yourself up. Remember, breaking the habit of self-abuse can take time. Success will come in a series of small wins as you become kinder to yourself and more confident in who you are as a person.

You can do this, and you deserve it!

Judy Fine

Judy Fine has been a vocal and performance coach since 2007, specializing in artist development coaching for aspiring singers and confidence coaching for everyone.

  • I love the article! This is a very important topic. When I go onstage I realize there is nothing else you can do but spend with those guys the very second and try to carry them as gently as possible to their hearts, imaginations, shed some light on their (and everyone’s) imperfect lives. Despite being a very imperfect singer, despite electricity that might fail, laptop go dead,…

  • As for step 3: Remember Who You A… – for a glimpse of a second I thought the title would end with “who you are”. “You are a tiny particle of light travelling through the great ocean of time and human lives and tonight you are giving yourself, your fragility and skills to your audience to make their lives more beautiful. Be proud of this attempt.”

  • In your videos, I can see that your music goes right into the hearts of your audience members – electricity and laptop issues notwithstanding…

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}